Moving after divorce is never easy—especially when children are involved. One of the most important decisions during this process is determining your child’s living arrangements after divorce. Here are some tips to keep in mind when setting up a second home for your child.
Communicate with Your Child
The effects of divorce on children can be difficult to handle—especially when it comes to preparing for a change in their living situation. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to set expectations and prepare your child as much as possible for their bonus home. Sharing your honest feelings about the move in an age-appropriate manner can be helpful for your child, as it shows them they’re not the only ones feeling strong emotions. It’s also beneficial to listen to your child and be a safe space for them to process their own thoughts and feelings. Talking through these emotions together helps your child know they’re being heard and promotes a healthy emotional environment.
Declutter Your Space
Before, during, and after your move, spend some time decluttering your home. The decluttering process allows you to start fresh, keeping only the items you truly need or want—plus, it can help lower stress for you and your child by maintaining a sense of calm and order in your new environment. Decluttering also gives you the opportunity to teach your child healthy habits that will aid you both as you transition. Get your kid involved in decluttering by asking them if they want to donate any toys, books, or clothes they no longer use. However, you shouldn’t pressure your child into giving away items they want to keep, as sentimental toys or other items can give them a sense of comfort and familiarity during this transitional period.
Keep Moving Day Low Stress
Moving with kids can be stressful, particularly when you’re going through a divorce. While it is impossible to completely eliminate it, you can set the tone for your child by how you handle moving stress. Consider having a friend or family member babysit your child during a portion or the entirety of the move and allow you to process the day privately. If this isn’t possible, be as proactive as you can in the days beforehand by creating a schedule, discussing your feelings with a friend, and asking your child what would help them feel less stressed. Offering to take them out for a treat after you finish moving, for example, is one way to keep them focused and give them something to look forward to on move-in day.
Let Your Child Set Up Their New Room
If age allows, consider letting your child take on some or all of the responsibility of unpacking, decorating, and organizing their room. Not only does it take a few things off your plate, but it also helps your child feel like they’re a useful part of the moving process. If your child is too young to handle the unpacking process on their own, consider letting them help make choices about the paint color or furniture. These simple actions can help your child feel a small sense of independence and agency in an inherently overwhelming situation. Guide them along the way, encouraging them to get excited about creating a new space that’s entirely their own.
Invest in New Furniture & Decorations
Buying new furniture and interior decor is a great way to make your house feel like a home after divorce. When choosing furniture and decorations, it’s important to prioritize essential items first—like beds, a dining table, and kitchen appliances—but make sure to set a budget for some fun items, as well. You can also involve your child in the process by taking them along with you to pick out things for your new space together. Getting some new pieces that you both like can help set the tone for a fresh start for your changing family.
Develop a Co-Parenting Strategy
Co-parenting after divorce can bring challenges, which is why it’s important to communicate openly with your ex-spouse. Examples of this can include setting boundaries within your respective homes, having a set schedule for any shared public spaces, and establishing rules for how you communicate with each other. Most importantly, a good co-parenting strategy involves sitting down with your ex-spouse to make important decisions regarding your child—such as designating who will take them to doctor’s appointments, school, and extracurricular activities. You’ll also want to discuss what rules your child will be expected to follow, aiming for consistency in expectations between households wherever possible. This can be tough if you and your ex-spouse no longer get along—but don’t ask your child to act as a go-between or to relay information to their other parent. Instead, approach each situation maturely to help foster a stable, healthy environment for you, your ex-spouse, and your child.
Establish a New Routine
Divorce can cause feelings of both the parents’ and the child’s lives being flipped upside down—particularly when navigating new child living arrangements after divorce. Creating a new family routine can help you and your child stay occupied during the transition. It’s also beneficial for both you and your child to incorporate old routines wherever possible to minimize disruption. This can include setting aside time for homework, meals, daily, weekly, and monthly chores, free time during the week, and family time on the weekends. It’s also important to let your child know which parent’s house they’ll be staying at and when. Stability is important for children, and over time, a solid routine will help your child feel like they know what to expect out of each day.
Give Everyone Time & Space to Adjust
Adjusting to life after divorce can be tough, especially if there are still lingering hard feelings between you and your ex-spouse. During this transition, it’s important to avoid rushing things and to show your child you care about their experience at their second home. This can be as simple as paying attention to your child’s mood and having daily check-ins with them. Throughout this difficult period, it’s important for you and your child to have a good support network to lean on, such as family members, friends, or a counselor.
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