Sending your child to college is a milestone parents can look forward to and dread at the same time. Many parents of college-age children experience feelings of distress, loss, and loneliness when their kids leave home—all of which are common symptoms of empty nest syndrome. If you’ve found yourself experiencing difficult emotions, know you’re not alone. To learn how to cope with a child leaving for college and navigate empty nest syndrome in a healthy way, read our guide below.
What Is Empty Nest Syndrome?
Empty nest syndrome refers to the feelings of sadness, loneliness, or loss that some parents experience when their children leave home or move away to college. Coined by writer Dorothy Canfield Fisher, empty nest syndrome isn’t an official clinical condition, but a very real emotional experience that can lead to diagnosable conditions like anxiety and depression. Not every parent experiences empty nest syndrome the same way—some may feel an overwhelming sense of loss, while others feel a complex mix of sadness and relief.
What Are the Symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome?
Though every parent’s situation is unique, the most common symptoms of empty nest syndrome include:
- Sadness or grief relating to your child’s absence
- Loneliness or feelings of isolation
- Loss of purpose or identity
- Restlessness
- Irritability
- Anxiety or worry
- Lack of energy or motivation
How Long Does Empty Nest Syndrome Last?
The intense feelings of empty nest syndrome can last anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of years, with the length varying from person to person. While these feelings are a normal part of adjusting, empty nest syndrome can sometimes tip into something more serious like depression. If negative feelings persist longer than expected or affect your ability to function in your day-to-day life, it’s a good idea to reach out to a mental health professional. Individual therapy, couples counseling, or even empty nest support groups are valuable resources that can help you with this transition.
Tips for Preparing Your Child to Leave for College
Adjusting to your child leaving for college starts with finding ways to stay engaged, supportive, and grounded during the transition. As you enter this new phase of life, use the following tips to show support for your college-age child while also taking care of yourself.
Help with College Move-in Logistics
Teens and young adults may experience separation anxiety before and after moving away, so it’s important to support them. Ease the transition and help your child prepare for college by working with them on practical tasks like:
- Creating a student financial plan
- Compiling all their medical information
- Purchasing items off their college dorm checklist
- Finding student storage units
This is a great way to spend time together leading up to the move and help your child feel ready to tackle the journey ahead. The more confident they are, the more you’ll be able to let yourself relax—knowing your parenting has readied them for the future.
Balance Your Child’s Time with Friends & Family
As college move-in day approaches, it’s natural to want to squeeze in as much family time as possible. However, your child is also preparing to say goodbye to their friends—so try to strike a balance between spending quality time with your child and allowing them time with their friends. As a compromise, take an early summer family vacation before your teen leaves for college. Just be mindful not to negatively fixate on the last times you and your teen will do certain activities together. Instead, concentrate on having fun, living in the moment, and creating memories to make it a positive experience for all.
Avoid Projecting Negative Emotions
Your child’s upcoming life transition may put your parenting skills to the test and bring up challenging emotions. This is completely normal! Still, it’s important to find healthy ways to deal with empty nest syndrome to avoid unloading your feelings on your child. Consider finding an online or in-person support group with parents in similar situations so you can process your feelings, gain useful advice, and make new friends that will be there for you after your child moves out. Knowing you’re not alone can better prepare you to cope with this change.
Give Them a Going-Away Gift
A gift can be a great way to show your support for your child as they enter adulthood while also providing you with some comfort. Whether you want to send your child off with something practical or more sentimental, some of the best gifts for college students include:
- Gift cards
- Noise-cancelling headphones
- A new laptop
- Kitchen essentials like a mini fridge, coffee maker, or cookware
- A framed photo of the family to remind them of home
- A quilt made from their old shirts or baby clothes
- A heartfelt letter that tells them how much they mean to you & how excited you are for their new chapter
Make Plans to Stay in Touch
There are a number of simple ways to stay in touch with your college kid, such as calling, texting, or video chatting. Come up with a plan together on when and how often you’ll call each other. Though you might have the urge to call them every day, it’s best to give them space to figure out their new routines. Remember that colleges often have family events and opportunities for you to come visit on campus, and your child will have plenty of chances over holidays and breaks to come home and tell you all about their new experiences!
Tips for After Your Child Moves to College
While your child leaving for college can be challenging, it’s also an opportunity to shift your perspective and focus on the positives for both you and your child’s next phase of life. Here are some tips for coping with empty nest syndrome.
Reframe Your Thinking
Once your child leaves for college, it can be easy to dwell on the loss, but try to remember what they’ll be gaining. College brings new friendships, experiences, and opportunities for growth that can help your child become more independent and confident. By focusing on the exciting things ahead for them, you can begin to see this transition as a meaningful step forward—in both your lives—rather than just a difficult goodbye.
Start a New Hobby
Parents often put their own interests on the back-burner when raising a family, and your child going off to college is a great time for you to refocus on yourself. Fortunately, there are plenty of hobbies for empty nesters to engage in when their schedules are a bit freer. If you enjoy spending time outside, take up outdoor activities like gardening or hiking. If you have an artistic flair, start a blog or journal to get your creative juices flowing. Other hobbies you could try include learning an instrument, reading, sewing, cooking, traveling, and exercising. You can even consider fostering or adopting a pet if you miss having something to care for!
Prioritize Your Relationship
If you’re married or in a long-term relationship, your dynamic as a couple may change after your child moves away—opening the door to rekindle the flame with your partner. Plan date nights, try new activities together, or even schedule the romantic getaway you’ve been putting off. Without the day-to-day responsibilities of parenting, you can refocus on your partnership and enjoy quality time together in new and exciting ways.
Revitalize Your Social Life
Try to see your child leaving for college as an opportunity for you to reconnect with friends and expand your social circle. Schedule regular coffee dates with friends, get involved in your religious community, or volunteer for an important cause to stay engaged and active. If you’re single, consider putting yourself back out there—whether that’s through a dating app, attending singles events, or simply saying yes to new social opportunities. Reconnecting with your friends and family after your child leaves can improve your mental health and strengthen your emotional support system to help you through the hard times.
Head Back to School
When your child leaves for college, it may also be a good time for you to consider going back to school. Many colleges offer weekly and online courses for adults, so you don’t necessarily have to commute to campus for in-person classes. Whether you want to improve your current skills, switch career paths, or pursue a personal passion, making a plan to continue your own education can be a powerful way to focus on yourself and combat empty nest syndrome.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you cope when your child goes to college?
Coping when a child leaves for college involves acknowledging difficult feelings while also focusing on the positives. Stay connected with your child through calls or texts, lean on friends and family for support, and find new ways to spend your time—like starting a new hobby or heading back to school. While this transition can be emotional, it’s also an opportunity to rediscover yourself and celebrate your child’s independence.
How often should you call your kid in college?
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach for how often you should call your college kid, but the best plan is to agree on a communication schedule that works for both of you. Many families find that a weekly call or check-in is a good way to stay in touch without overstepping. Giving your college student space to adjust while staying consistent with contact can help maintain a healthy parent-child relationship.
How do you set boundaries with college kids?
Setting boundaries with your college-age child starts with open communication and mutual respect. Talk about your expectations regarding communication, visits, and finances before they leave, and be willing to adjust as they settle in. Giving your child the freedom to make decisions while still offering your guidance helps build trust and supports their growth.
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